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Thursday, October 14, 2010

dazed and confused

People are not supposed to walk around in a fog, confused about what direction life should take, where I am, what I've thought of as unchanging situations, none of it stable.
I spent the weekend walking beaches with one person while thinking of another, a bad sitution for someone whose life is dependably predictable.
Hormones drove me crazy as a kid. At 17, I was raging testosterone, running while, seeking something or someone to ease my pain, always stunned silent by sudden rain storms that blew into my world.
I'm full of gray doubts, wondering where I am and where I am going, and knowing that I want to do is different from what I ought to do.
I pretend I'm cool, calm and collective, when inside I'm not, sprirling around with thoughts I have no right to think.
What next?

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